- So far some have been accomplished back in 2013, such as getting into Graduate School with a Merit Scholarship for an online program with University of Southern California in Los Angeles, California with a concentration on a Master's in the Art of Teaching with a focus on English and with a credential in Special Education with all my previous experience in education for the past 8 years, thank you Yeongju, South Korea where my career change that I have not looked-back on doing occurred. My best friend Kim DoKyoung still wants to open a school at some point and still considers to have me as an Assistant Director. That is a dream of a life-time and I have considered to still try to do that, and well we shall see.
- I started the 14-day Flat-Belly Diet and have already lost 6 pounds, and I feel good. Unfortunately, I have not been able to go to the climbing gym for a while due to the rayneaud's condition; however, I have hit the hiking trails up at Ramapo for also some wedding research. Hopefully, the county of Bergen, which is the county I reside in for most of my life if I was not in South Korea or St. Petersburg, Florida, changes their mind with allowing weddings there, since it actually has the right terrain and beautiful location.
- I want to be married by the spring/summer of this year, and that's something I have been dreaming about for many, many, many, many, many years, not just recently and not just because other people are that's a pretty silly way to think. No, its called growing-up, I'm 33 and have seen and experienced things that others have either never even considered doing and just feel, this hen is nesting/resting. And actually taking charge of things to the next step and level. My late mother was married at 22, and well, that was back in the olden days, since my parents are/were a lot older than most of my friends parents, it was like I was growing-up with grandparents at some times, so reaching-out to people who were not at all older sisters, since I have an older brother was needed a lot of times from trying to insert tampons to asking about development. I know I have been ready for quite some time. Not too many people have ever wanted to sit and hear what I have to say about things for their own reasons, but those who have taken the time to sit and listen to truly know and understand, there's a whole lot of list of right that has been taking place for yours truly that not exactly have ever happened before, so thank you for listening and for attempting to understand how I feel and for truly caring. That all truly means a lot. And not a single person has been telling me to do any of this, except for one a long with I have also been just following my own feelings this entire time.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Dreams, Goals, Ambitions for 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Valentine's Day 2014
Written in Jeonju on a refrigerator in permanent marker, and well, John Garrett and those who I met in Jeonju back in 2010, this is for you.
A Window in Your Heart
Copyright: Lori Michelle
Out on the avenue
I see your eyes shaded
brown from blue in
the towns and cities of me and you.
So sweet glistening in front
of me, from the inside and
out all within my heart
ever since the start, burning
well within our desires as it
grows from from nothing to something
to someone you see me unfold
all of our stories are yet to be
told as things increase in our senses.
You are oblivious of knowing how
much you mean to me and how much
I miss you~your physical
presence, nothing more, nothing less.
All of this comes to mind when I
think of the very essence of you,
my love, my life, my everything. Turning
any darkness into light.
After arriving back in the United States, I had to go to the Emergency Room, for a strange swelling which turned-out to be something called Reynaud's/Raynaud's Disorder. It is an auto-immune thing, not at all contagious that stems from Rheumatoid Fever and/or Lupus. Thankfully, all of my blood-work came back healthy and no return of Rheumatoid Fever, which I was diagnosed when I was 4 years old-JRA (juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, something my mom was diagnosed with), and very blessed by God to not be diagnosed with Lupus, I have close family friends with that, not at all something easy to deal with and she's been a strong-fighter with it for a long time Roberta. While my right hand-had two fingers swollen due to this severe cold weather, all I kept thinking about and continuing to think about is my boyfriend John Garrett, warm-sunny beautiful days, getting married, spending time with the people we love, and within 2 or 3 three days of after being in the hospital my swelling went down. Some people reading this might think this is bull-shit. No the power of real love, mind over matter, and real healing is never bull-shit. Nope, most of the people who know me well enough know I have always have a positive attitude through anything, even getting a nipple piercing removed because it was ugly and just gross looking.
With all my South Korea treasures notes from students, co-workers, and cute treasure gifts from all over, I found this really sweet note that was written when I was there in 2010, and I have no idea who wrote that, and its incredibly sweet and romantic, I have never received a secret-admirer card before, it makes me smile every time I read it. Of course, it says this is a secret, but I'm writing this out since I personally have no idea who wrote this and I hope whoever reads this decides to want to come forward and admit who wrote this. On the front of the card there's two bear stickers, a long with a mirror and rabbit key with 3 hearts with the words: Dear Lori Teacher,
the inside says: Dear Lori teacher
I'll be always behind you. Do you like my present? (I remember what it was, too) Summer is coming. I hope your freind's letter come ealiy. Please don't say anyone of this letter. This is we're secret letter. I LOVE YOU. Always. I love you.
a picture of a pizza with hearts coming out of it: ~your secret student~
Whoever wrote that, thank you, it truly is something to read and for bringing bright warm smiles to my face every time I read that little card, and I love you, too!
A Window in Your Heart
Copyright: Lori Michelle
Out on the avenue
I see your eyes shaded
brown from blue in
the towns and cities of me and you.
So sweet glistening in front
of me, from the inside and
out all within my heart
ever since the start, burning
well within our desires as it
grows from from nothing to something
to someone you see me unfold
all of our stories are yet to be
told as things increase in our senses.
You are oblivious of knowing how
much you mean to me and how much
I miss you~your physical
presence, nothing more, nothing less.
All of this comes to mind when I
think of the very essence of you,
my love, my life, my everything. Turning
any darkness into light.
After arriving back in the United States, I had to go to the Emergency Room, for a strange swelling which turned-out to be something called Reynaud's/Raynaud's Disorder. It is an auto-immune thing, not at all contagious that stems from Rheumatoid Fever and/or Lupus. Thankfully, all of my blood-work came back healthy and no return of Rheumatoid Fever, which I was diagnosed when I was 4 years old-JRA (juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, something my mom was diagnosed with), and very blessed by God to not be diagnosed with Lupus, I have close family friends with that, not at all something easy to deal with and she's been a strong-fighter with it for a long time Roberta. While my right hand-had two fingers swollen due to this severe cold weather, all I kept thinking about and continuing to think about is my boyfriend John Garrett, warm-sunny beautiful days, getting married, spending time with the people we love, and within 2 or 3 three days of after being in the hospital my swelling went down. Some people reading this might think this is bull-shit. No the power of real love, mind over matter, and real healing is never bull-shit. Nope, most of the people who know me well enough know I have always have a positive attitude through anything, even getting a nipple piercing removed because it was ugly and just gross looking.
With all my South Korea treasures notes from students, co-workers, and cute treasure gifts from all over, I found this really sweet note that was written when I was there in 2010, and I have no idea who wrote that, and its incredibly sweet and romantic, I have never received a secret-admirer card before, it makes me smile every time I read it. Of course, it says this is a secret, but I'm writing this out since I personally have no idea who wrote this and I hope whoever reads this decides to want to come forward and admit who wrote this. On the front of the card there's two bear stickers, a long with a mirror and rabbit key with 3 hearts with the words: Dear Lori Teacher,
the inside says: Dear Lori teacher
I'll be always behind you. Do you like my present? (I remember what it was, too) Summer is coming. I hope your freind's letter come ealiy. Please don't say anyone of this letter. This is we're secret letter. I LOVE YOU. Always. I love you.
a picture of a pizza with hearts coming out of it: ~your secret student~
Whoever wrote that, thank you, it truly is something to read and for bringing bright warm smiles to my face every time I read that little card, and I love you, too!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Music & Lyrics by Geri & Lori
During the past two years of being back in the United States, here's a new original song I wrote with one of the local performers Geri Herrera at the Ridgewood Coffee Company called "Turning Away from Tragedy." How this miracle came to be was, I simply called Geri on the phone during a stormy night, sang into his voice-mail; he then transferred it to his guitar tuner---poof---our song is born and we're both cool with sharing this, so here's the song with my attempt at writing out the words with the tabs that Geri wrote. I have been complained about my singing voice being too loud, my response to that is, if its too loud you're too old!
Open Mic Nights are held at the Ridgewood Coffee Company every Wednesday night at 6:30 P.M. to 9 P.M. in Ridgewood, NJ, located around the corner from the train station and a few blocks from the train station, across the street from Raymond's (restaurant) on Ridgewood Avenue also next to Van Neste town-square/park.
Turning Away from Tragedy
Copyright: Lori & Geri
You say I'm not the one to be serious
that just means you don't know
when you plant a seed you expect
to see it grow
Little do you realize how much
you show, feeling you near
I show no fear.
You say I'm not the one to be serious
that just means you don't know
when you plant a seed you expect
to see it grow
How do you expect me to say
I love you and baby you already
know.
You say I'm not the one to
be serious that means know
when you plant a seed you
expect to see it grow
when you plant a seed you
expect to see it grow.
Tabs:
G
C
G
C
D G
G
C
G
C
G
D
G
G
C
G
D
G (2x's)
Open Mic Nights are held at the Ridgewood Coffee Company every Wednesday night at 6:30 P.M. to 9 P.M. in Ridgewood, NJ, located around the corner from the train station and a few blocks from the train station, across the street from Raymond's (restaurant) on Ridgewood Avenue also next to Van Neste town-square/park.
Turning Away from Tragedy
Copyright: Lori & Geri
You say I'm not the one to be serious
that just means you don't know
when you plant a seed you expect
to see it grow
Little do you realize how much
you show, feeling you near
I show no fear.
You say I'm not the one to be serious
that just means you don't know
when you plant a seed you expect
to see it grow
How do you expect me to say
I love you and baby you already
know.
You say I'm not the one to
be serious that means know
when you plant a seed you
expect to see it grow
when you plant a seed you
expect to see it grow.
Tabs:
G
C
G
C
D G
G
C
G
C
G
D
G
G
C
G
D
G (2x's)
September 11, 2013~12 Years Ago~
On Sept. 11, 2013, I ventured into NYC to see how developed and designed lower-Manhattan is becoming and overcoming. My favorite way to travel in is via train, for lots of reasons. I find train rides relaxing and you get there quicker than bus and car. Not to mention, its affordable, even during rush-hour times. After a fairly relaxing train trip, I took the Path to Ground Zero. I remember the first time I took the train when they got it up and running again. At first, I thought it was weird to see the ruined remains of not really an argument about it being one of the worst tragedies to ever happen on American soil next to every single school shooting that happens around the country/world (in certain places), and to the every day unfortunate passing of a loved one/close friend. However, the only way to get over a fear of something is go to the source and overcome it face-to-face.
Before the buildings collapsed, there used to be a giant shopping mall in the underground. The last time my family and I ventured into the city together was to help motivate my brother who at one time wanted to work on Wall Street, while also considering Law School. So we went to the Stock Exchange. At this time, we were only taking extreme local trips, since my late mom's energy level was not so high due to chemo/radiation treatments with both Ovarian and Brain Cancer. Since she got to hop in a wheel-chair to help her stiffened joints due to Arthritis and residuals from Chemo-therapy as well, we got to go first in line and get our own tour-guide---sweetness!!! But when he snubbed me just for asking questions about Rage Against the Machine playing on the balcony of the Exchange that's when I told my parents I'll be outside, since I have no interest in the NYSE or finance in general---other than the obvious--save your money---life insurance, even though its a pretty important institution to the global economy, which brings me back to Sept. 11, 2001.
Stepping up from the escalators and walking the barriers of the subway to the outside world, I started to remember all the pictures, flowers, letters, words, that used to be all over the World Trade Center station. There isn't a lot of that on display anymore. The area near the Freedom Tower was packed. I immediately said out loud to some randoms in the area, "Oh the media circus is out today!" We just smiled and laughed. There were pieces of art on display as well outside that some pretty amazing artists created to commemorate the event of when it initially happened. However, there was this angry little-person (midget/dwarf if you want to be a jerk) having a freak-out at some NYPD because he was trying to walk-off with one of the objects on display. Watching the NYPD officer very easily take the over-sized towering sculpture out of the very angry thief's hand was not only comical, but quite a site for the media circus and the usual passer-byes take notice. We all were sticking-up for the cop because of all days to walk off with a piece of art. Seriously what a jerk!
Outside the media fence (they seriously were behind barriers), I started talking to one of the local artists about what he was displaying. He told me about his family that was at one time shot by some NYPD cops, and I was impressed with both him and his friend's work that was a huge mural of showing respect to the cops, fire-fighters, EMT workers, and other people of service from that day. I talked to him about my family, friends, and neighbors that were victims on the day of Sept. 11, 2001, and that I petitioned the government about the idea that it should be a Federal Holiday where schools are closed. Only one person signed-it, me, the writer of this blog-Lori. Of course, the other side of "the argument" is "we need to get over that," but I'm sorry, 3, 000 people died that day just for doing their usual routine not to mention the cops, fire-fighers, and ambulance workers from all over the country and world that are still dying from the Aespostis in the air. While most people like to think comedians are just comical-clowns that should only bring humor to the world. Jon Stewart of the Daily Show did one of the greatest displays of journalism/news that not a single "real" news source ever did when the Senate was filibustering a Bill that dealt with giving EMT, Fire-fighters, and Police, I think also some victim families aid that were effected by Sept. 11, 2001, or shall I say, have the audacity to do for whatever their "spin" is from Fox News to MSNBC only mentioning Stewart's clip because they were covering some celeb-scandal. Or CNN and BBC didn't exactly do a piece like this. Here's the clip that I'm referring to and I am a member of NJ CERT (Community Emergency Response Technician) after saving my mother's life from calling 9-1-1 when she was having a seizure from a second-brain tumor operation:http://www.firefighter-emt.com/archives/jon-stewart-daily-show-interviews-911-responders.php
After being in some photos by the 1000's of some random tourists/news/bloggers that were in that area for the 20-30 minutes I was only standing there talking to some people, I then took a stroll towards the Trinity Church. It wasn't so packed as it was near the buildings, and much quieter/calm. There seemed to have been a special service taking place, so I didn't go inside, instead walked around at all the old tombstones that dwell there like Alexander Hamilton-$10-bill and founder of the Department of Treasury, assassinated by Aaron Burr. As I was walking towards a Halloween Store and then the Brooklyn Bridge, I was asked for directions to Park Avenue. I pointed in the direction, but also informed the man that I'm not from NYC just born in the hospital back in 1980, but technically from NJ. He then asked me, "So you basically come into the city and find things on instinct?" I smiled and said, "Yeah that's sometimes what happens." He thanked me and walked in the direction I pointed in, as I started walking towards the Brooklyn Bridge.
The last time I walked on the bridge was at night-time of summer 2012. My original intentions was for some facebook event of an indie film or something. But by the time the trains arrived and I got on the subway, I already missed the event, but was in the neighborhood of the bridge on the Brooklyn side. I have walked the length of that bridge numerous times with friends or even by myself. I always love the view of how on one side you can see to even beyond the Statue of Liberty, while looking at the other side and see all the way to the Bronx on a clear day.
I noticed a lot of graffiti writing on the walls of the bridge. I took out my marker and wrote what I was feeling at that very second and what I still am feeling on some wooden boards, "I love you" with a giant heart. After a nice stroll on the bridge, surrounded by couples and lovers mixed with some gorgeous weather, I started reflecting about somethings. I found myself at a little cafe/counter-spot after my nice stroll. I had some friendly chit-chat with the counter guy, ate my grilled chicken salad and was on my way. I considered staying in the city at night time to see the giant lights that are forever now the reminders of where the buildings once stood. However, I changed my mind and decided to head back home to the Jersey-side.
In light of something that happened to me unfortunately on Sept. 11, 2011, in Seoul, South Korea where I became a statistic and unfortunate victim of rape, I wrote a petition to the government about trying to make Sept. 11, a federal recognized holiday where schools, banks, post offices, and all federal buildings are closed to never forget the day that changed, not just how things are in the United States, but around the world in terms of security.
Before the buildings collapsed, there used to be a giant shopping mall in the underground. The last time my family and I ventured into the city together was to help motivate my brother who at one time wanted to work on Wall Street, while also considering Law School. So we went to the Stock Exchange. At this time, we were only taking extreme local trips, since my late mom's energy level was not so high due to chemo/radiation treatments with both Ovarian and Brain Cancer. Since she got to hop in a wheel-chair to help her stiffened joints due to Arthritis and residuals from Chemo-therapy as well, we got to go first in line and get our own tour-guide---sweetness!!! But when he snubbed me just for asking questions about Rage Against the Machine playing on the balcony of the Exchange that's when I told my parents I'll be outside, since I have no interest in the NYSE or finance in general---other than the obvious--save your money---life insurance, even though its a pretty important institution to the global economy, which brings me back to Sept. 11, 2001.
Stepping up from the escalators and walking the barriers of the subway to the outside world, I started to remember all the pictures, flowers, letters, words, that used to be all over the World Trade Center station. There isn't a lot of that on display anymore. The area near the Freedom Tower was packed. I immediately said out loud to some randoms in the area, "Oh the media circus is out today!" We just smiled and laughed. There were pieces of art on display as well outside that some pretty amazing artists created to commemorate the event of when it initially happened. However, there was this angry little-person (midget/dwarf if you want to be a jerk) having a freak-out at some NYPD because he was trying to walk-off with one of the objects on display. Watching the NYPD officer very easily take the over-sized towering sculpture out of the very angry thief's hand was not only comical, but quite a site for the media circus and the usual passer-byes take notice. We all were sticking-up for the cop because of all days to walk off with a piece of art. Seriously what a jerk!
Outside the media fence (they seriously were behind barriers), I started talking to one of the local artists about what he was displaying. He told me about his family that was at one time shot by some NYPD cops, and I was impressed with both him and his friend's work that was a huge mural of showing respect to the cops, fire-fighters, EMT workers, and other people of service from that day. I talked to him about my family, friends, and neighbors that were victims on the day of Sept. 11, 2001, and that I petitioned the government about the idea that it should be a Federal Holiday where schools are closed. Only one person signed-it, me, the writer of this blog-Lori. Of course, the other side of "the argument" is "we need to get over that," but I'm sorry, 3, 000 people died that day just for doing their usual routine not to mention the cops, fire-fighers, and ambulance workers from all over the country and world that are still dying from the Aespostis in the air. While most people like to think comedians are just comical-clowns that should only bring humor to the world. Jon Stewart of the Daily Show did one of the greatest displays of journalism/news that not a single "real" news source ever did when the Senate was filibustering a Bill that dealt with giving EMT, Fire-fighters, and Police, I think also some victim families aid that were effected by Sept. 11, 2001, or shall I say, have the audacity to do for whatever their "spin" is from Fox News to MSNBC only mentioning Stewart's clip because they were covering some celeb-scandal. Or CNN and BBC didn't exactly do a piece like this. Here's the clip that I'm referring to and I am a member of NJ CERT (Community Emergency Response Technician) after saving my mother's life from calling 9-1-1 when she was having a seizure from a second-brain tumor operation:http://www.firefighter-emt.com/archives/jon-stewart-daily-show-interviews-911-responders.php
After being in some photos by the 1000's of some random tourists/news/bloggers that were in that area for the 20-30 minutes I was only standing there talking to some people, I then took a stroll towards the Trinity Church. It wasn't so packed as it was near the buildings, and much quieter/calm. There seemed to have been a special service taking place, so I didn't go inside, instead walked around at all the old tombstones that dwell there like Alexander Hamilton-$10-bill and founder of the Department of Treasury, assassinated by Aaron Burr. As I was walking towards a Halloween Store and then the Brooklyn Bridge, I was asked for directions to Park Avenue. I pointed in the direction, but also informed the man that I'm not from NYC just born in the hospital back in 1980, but technically from NJ. He then asked me, "So you basically come into the city and find things on instinct?" I smiled and said, "Yeah that's sometimes what happens." He thanked me and walked in the direction I pointed in, as I started walking towards the Brooklyn Bridge.
The last time I walked on the bridge was at night-time of summer 2012. My original intentions was for some facebook event of an indie film or something. But by the time the trains arrived and I got on the subway, I already missed the event, but was in the neighborhood of the bridge on the Brooklyn side. I have walked the length of that bridge numerous times with friends or even by myself. I always love the view of how on one side you can see to even beyond the Statue of Liberty, while looking at the other side and see all the way to the Bronx on a clear day.
I noticed a lot of graffiti writing on the walls of the bridge. I took out my marker and wrote what I was feeling at that very second and what I still am feeling on some wooden boards, "I love you" with a giant heart. After a nice stroll on the bridge, surrounded by couples and lovers mixed with some gorgeous weather, I started reflecting about somethings. I found myself at a little cafe/counter-spot after my nice stroll. I had some friendly chit-chat with the counter guy, ate my grilled chicken salad and was on my way. I considered staying in the city at night time to see the giant lights that are forever now the reminders of where the buildings once stood. However, I changed my mind and decided to head back home to the Jersey-side.
In light of something that happened to me unfortunately on Sept. 11, 2011, in Seoul, South Korea where I became a statistic and unfortunate victim of rape, I wrote a petition to the government about trying to make Sept. 11, a federal recognized holiday where schools, banks, post offices, and all federal buildings are closed to never forget the day that changed, not just how things are in the United States, but around the world in terms of security.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Even more forgiving, understanding, and Loving My Dad Everyday
In October 2012, so many things occurred personally that with the shock and awe of the hurricane, that was not something so many saw coming/expecting. On a personal note, I was working overseas during Hurricane Irene in 2011, and had no idea of the severity/damage that it did to the tri-state area, because no one informed me of such things a long with not exactly following some of the news since I was on a hiking trip, and when I came home and saw the back-yard with all the tree debris from not only that, I was completely speechless. I do not blame my dad at all for not cleaning that up, he has had enough heart complications from his 40s-up through now (75) between (an angina attack---arteries, quadrouple bypass, and now a pace-maker.). While I was working briefly in St. Petersburg, Florida, my dad was in the hospital with surgery. I called him every day, and even when the hospital staff had no idea why/came-off as very confused as to why I kept calling him---he only has one daughter---me! My dad has served the United States of America---Army and was stationed in Georgia during the time of pre-Civil Rights. I love hearing his stories, sometimes through his sobs, he was telling me one tonight of a time he was at a restaurant in Georgia that actually had a stone carving that said, "NO JEWS, NEGROES (THE REALLY BAD WORD WAS USED Instead), ALLOWED through his tears. When he studied at Michigan State University, he studied with Michael Schwimmer---from the real story of Mississippi Burning, a civil rights activist who sadly was murdered for fighting for his cause with two others.
As a young person, my dad grew-up in the area right outside of the original Yankee Stadium (born 1938) and had NY Giant season tickets when they were originally $5 a game. Now we no longer have these tickets because of the new METLIFE Stadium, which doesn't look all that great at all from the outside---haven't ever been in the inside. Unlike some other teams like my Packers (GO PACK!!!) who did everything possible for their tickets to remain affordable for their fans, the Giants, not only did not do anything for their long-term season ticket holders, such as my dad, but they also instituted a seat-license depending on where the seats were located. Our seats, for instance, which were located in the 5th row---lower front---right near the end-zone and somewhere in the middle, went up to about $10,000 a ticket, a long with the total season cost. After my dad owning these tickets from the time he was 19 years old, I can not type here how much of an emotional and economic impact that had on not only him. My brother and I were at a loss of words of what those tickets and those seats meant to us throughout our childhood, even before we were sperm swimming to the egg. Any one of our friends that we took to those games, all fell in love with the seats. When I was a reporter for the local paper, the photographer, Nick Messina, and I used to wave at each other from them.
Oscar (Hebrew name sounds like bear in it), my one and only dad by blood, has always done everything he can for both my brother and I, but more importantly my late mom Beverly Michael. Recently, when I was in the hospital for abdominal issues, we had a very scary conversation about him saying, "Its only right if he goes first, not Neil or Me." Granted I was only in the hospital for severe rectal issues that I went on to have cleared up with a colonoscopy, but the words he said struck my heart only because, I really have no idea not so much who is there for me, I have always known who my true friends are, but who is really man enough to stand next to me and to embrace me now in the present with everything that I have been dealing with all on my own practically/pretty much? I have never been a fan of hospitals so to go one by myself, both in South Korea and here, is pretty brave. I have always been there for a lot of people during some really dark times, too, for instance, I was there the night Gary Ballerini was having an overdose on heroin in a bathroom. I was told not to call the cops and a police squad actually wondering my real motives when I was giving my statement for their investigation, which makes no sense at all, since I am a witness to not only that but my own unfortunate case from Seoul in 2011---I guess not too many people understand post-traumatic-stress-disorder, which is not something to even remotely make-fun of at all, I urge anyone who wants to truly understand what us victims go through to go to a---Take Back the Night, not the march, but sit in the room and hear the stories---the one this past March was pretty bold, brave, and courageous for anyone who attended and I can't even believe I stood-up and said anything, seriously and it wasn't for anyone's credit but my own to know and to feel that I am not at all alone with this and its something to make a person not exist or think we aren't the same when we are in a whole lot of ways or to just forget about a person entirely), telling my dad when I initially got home was the most difficult, if not heart-breaking story I ever had to tell him. He even tried to talk further with me about that, even with legitimate rape stories in the news, but I had to tell him to stop. I only wonder who really is man enough though.---I pray every night because I don't know what else there is to do and typing this out while sobbing doesn't usually solve anything---but only helps make things easier since that's normal and I am completely human. I only wish my heart was not the size of the ocean like how it actually is (Thank you John Donnally aka "johnny d"---wherever you are with child because you probably make one of the best fucking dads ever, right now---I tried looking for your number tonight to just say---yo, and let's sing together again! even as the muppets)!
At this time of year, since it is near the anniversary of my mom's passing, I tend to sometimes get mopey, but this year, I'm not so much at all because she's very close in my heart through everything that I do and I know she would love to know I am in-charge of open mic nights, giving lectures, handling with my current ptsd with what happened in 2011 with style and grace with unifying all the politicians in Washington to help with this American baby, oh yeah continuing to write---even songs, and i'm glad I got to introduce her to some great Ginsberg because she didn't finish college, and it had nothing to do with the riots of the 70's in Newark---my grandmother fell ill and she dropped out of school to help her.
When I first went to Korea in 2005 that's what helped me accept her passing with grief since some people never get over that or do that in other ways, traveling====healing in so many ways. I'm always reminded of the wise words she instilled me with and how her passing helped me give some good advice to a friend of mine, named Elizabeth, when she did not know what to do with her friend who was diagnosed with Lymphoma---I told her massage therapy---acupuncture and other Asian remedies since they have a nice calming effect towards Chemo---or at least they did for my mom. Originally named me after my Grandma Lily---my Hebrew name: Leah Mierah (a natural tendency to always think of the original Star Wars, the other movies sucked any geek will tell you that!) and my honorary Korean name from my best friend DoKyoung Kim (Jason) is Hanuel (meaning sky)----I always enjoy hearing the story of the day I was born from my relatives, all of the dads in the waiting room, when asked, "Who's baby is this?" They all raised their hands!---looking back at pictures of when I was growing-up, yep, yep, I am still quite the cute-special-smart-sometimes introverted one in a lot of ways----I have changed in a lot of ways for the better, too. Rarely do I even listen to Pearl Jam anymore, but my favorite song, "Elderly Woman Behind a Counter in a Small Town," the words just always speak volumes and define me, "I changed by not changing at all." ----except football team for my good reasons.
As a young person, my dad grew-up in the area right outside of the original Yankee Stadium (born 1938) and had NY Giant season tickets when they were originally $5 a game. Now we no longer have these tickets because of the new METLIFE Stadium, which doesn't look all that great at all from the outside---haven't ever been in the inside. Unlike some other teams like my Packers (GO PACK!!!) who did everything possible for their tickets to remain affordable for their fans, the Giants, not only did not do anything for their long-term season ticket holders, such as my dad, but they also instituted a seat-license depending on where the seats were located. Our seats, for instance, which were located in the 5th row---lower front---right near the end-zone and somewhere in the middle, went up to about $10,000 a ticket, a long with the total season cost. After my dad owning these tickets from the time he was 19 years old, I can not type here how much of an emotional and economic impact that had on not only him. My brother and I were at a loss of words of what those tickets and those seats meant to us throughout our childhood, even before we were sperm swimming to the egg. Any one of our friends that we took to those games, all fell in love with the seats. When I was a reporter for the local paper, the photographer, Nick Messina, and I used to wave at each other from them.
Oscar (Hebrew name sounds like bear in it), my one and only dad by blood, has always done everything he can for both my brother and I, but more importantly my late mom Beverly Michael. Recently, when I was in the hospital for abdominal issues, we had a very scary conversation about him saying, "Its only right if he goes first, not Neil or Me." Granted I was only in the hospital for severe rectal issues that I went on to have cleared up with a colonoscopy, but the words he said struck my heart only because, I really have no idea not so much who is there for me, I have always known who my true friends are, but who is really man enough to stand next to me and to embrace me now in the present with everything that I have been dealing with all on my own practically/pretty much? I have never been a fan of hospitals so to go one by myself, both in South Korea and here, is pretty brave. I have always been there for a lot of people during some really dark times, too, for instance, I was there the night Gary Ballerini was having an overdose on heroin in a bathroom. I was told not to call the cops and a police squad actually wondering my real motives when I was giving my statement for their investigation, which makes no sense at all, since I am a witness to not only that but my own unfortunate case from Seoul in 2011---I guess not too many people understand post-traumatic-stress-disorder, which is not something to even remotely make-fun of at all, I urge anyone who wants to truly understand what us victims go through to go to a---Take Back the Night, not the march, but sit in the room and hear the stories---the one this past March was pretty bold, brave, and courageous for anyone who attended and I can't even believe I stood-up and said anything, seriously and it wasn't for anyone's credit but my own to know and to feel that I am not at all alone with this and its something to make a person not exist or think we aren't the same when we are in a whole lot of ways or to just forget about a person entirely), telling my dad when I initially got home was the most difficult, if not heart-breaking story I ever had to tell him. He even tried to talk further with me about that, even with legitimate rape stories in the news, but I had to tell him to stop. I only wonder who really is man enough though.---I pray every night because I don't know what else there is to do and typing this out while sobbing doesn't usually solve anything---but only helps make things easier since that's normal and I am completely human. I only wish my heart was not the size of the ocean like how it actually is (Thank you John Donnally aka "johnny d"---wherever you are with child because you probably make one of the best fucking dads ever, right now---I tried looking for your number tonight to just say---yo, and let's sing together again! even as the muppets)!
At this time of year, since it is near the anniversary of my mom's passing, I tend to sometimes get mopey, but this year, I'm not so much at all because she's very close in my heart through everything that I do and I know she would love to know I am in-charge of open mic nights, giving lectures, handling with my current ptsd with what happened in 2011 with style and grace with unifying all the politicians in Washington to help with this American baby, oh yeah continuing to write---even songs, and i'm glad I got to introduce her to some great Ginsberg because she didn't finish college, and it had nothing to do with the riots of the 70's in Newark---my grandmother fell ill and she dropped out of school to help her.
When I first went to Korea in 2005 that's what helped me accept her passing with grief since some people never get over that or do that in other ways, traveling====healing in so many ways. I'm always reminded of the wise words she instilled me with and how her passing helped me give some good advice to a friend of mine, named Elizabeth, when she did not know what to do with her friend who was diagnosed with Lymphoma---I told her massage therapy---acupuncture and other Asian remedies since they have a nice calming effect towards Chemo---or at least they did for my mom. Originally named me after my Grandma Lily---my Hebrew name: Leah Mierah (a natural tendency to always think of the original Star Wars, the other movies sucked any geek will tell you that!) and my honorary Korean name from my best friend DoKyoung Kim (Jason) is Hanuel (meaning sky)----I always enjoy hearing the story of the day I was born from my relatives, all of the dads in the waiting room, when asked, "Who's baby is this?" They all raised their hands!---looking back at pictures of when I was growing-up, yep, yep, I am still quite the cute-special-smart-sometimes introverted one in a lot of ways----I have changed in a lot of ways for the better, too. Rarely do I even listen to Pearl Jam anymore, but my favorite song, "Elderly Woman Behind a Counter in a Small Town," the words just always speak volumes and define me, "I changed by not changing at all." ----except football team for my good reasons.
Friday, August 23, 2013
~Never Ever Forgotten~
Original words, as read at the William Paterson University, second year anniversary/commemoration of Sept. 11, 2001. I always held deer to my heart the ones who lost people in the crash/explosions, my neighbors who 'til this day still don't work in the city anymore, my family members who worked in midtown and also the Trinity Church, firefighters, police, EMTs, the people who just did their normal---everyday routine of just waking-up and going to work without knowing what to expect was going to happen to them---pure innocence lost. This is/has always been for them!!! By no means, do I ever or have I ever blamed George W. Bush for the destruction of the most gorgeous buildings that at one time were the markers to indicate on family road-trips, how close we were to home. The Freedom Tower, as beautiful as it is in the skyline, is truly not the same. In fact, I have listened to what conspiracy theorists have to say and I still don't follow/understand those. I do think that George W. Bush and his administration were right with going to Afghanistan at the time----Iraq is another story. My line about "Leader's negligence" is referring to the intelligence group at the time, though, I know many improvements and positive changes have taken place since this national tragedy. I would like to note that wherever I am in the world, either overseas and/or here in the states, I always teach this and I have recently wrote a petition to make it a national federal holiday (banks/post offices closed) instead of just recognized.
Remembrance
"There will be an answer, let it be."~The Beatles
Our heroes became more local
while the economy dwindled.
America will prosper, or so it seemed?
The Beatle sang his song. The concert helped
seasons march on to foreign soils.
Too much can be said about our leaders' negligence.
Architects plan out sacred ground.
Everyone peek near the Hudson
like pages in an old scrapbook.
Remembrance
"There will be an answer, let it be."~The Beatles
Our heroes became more local
while the economy dwindled.
America will prosper, or so it seemed?
The Beatle sang his song. The concert helped
seasons march on to foreign soils.
Too much can be said about our leaders' negligence.
Architects plan out sacred ground.
Everyone peek near the Hudson
like pages in an old scrapbook.
~Times Worthy of Commemoration~
Sept. 11, 2005
Copyright-Lori Michael
Four years since the catastrophic destruction,
blood irrigates our land masses.
Katrina poisoned the south with deadly kiss
Neglect the poor
who is to blame?
Fingers point, heads drop, memories flash
the towers still illuminate the skyline.
Copyright-Lori Michael
Four years since the catastrophic destruction,
blood irrigates our land masses.
Katrina poisoned the south with deadly kiss
Neglect the poor
who is to blame?
Fingers point, heads drop, memories flash
the towers still illuminate the skyline.
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