In October 2012, so many things occurred personally that with the shock and awe of the hurricane, that was not something so many saw coming/expecting. On a personal note, I was working overseas during Hurricane Irene in 2011, and had no idea of the severity/damage that it did to the tri-state area, because no one informed me of such things a long with not exactly following some of the news since I was on a hiking trip, and when I came home and saw the back-yard with all the tree debris from not only that, I was completely speechless. I do not blame my dad at all for not cleaning that up, he has had enough heart complications from his 40s-up through now (75) between (an angina attack---arteries, quadrouple bypass, and now a pace-maker.). While I was working briefly in St. Petersburg, Florida, my dad was in the hospital with surgery. I called him every day, and even when the hospital staff had no idea why/came-off as very confused as to why I kept calling him---he only has one daughter---me! My dad has served the United States of America---Army and was stationed in Georgia during the time of pre-Civil Rights. I love hearing his stories, sometimes through his sobs, he was telling me one tonight of a time he was at a restaurant in Georgia that actually had a stone carving that said, "NO JEWS, NEGROES (THE REALLY BAD WORD WAS USED Instead), ALLOWED through his tears. When he studied at Michigan State University, he studied with Michael Schwimmer---from the real story of Mississippi Burning, a civil rights activist who sadly was murdered for fighting for his cause with two others.
As a young person, my dad grew-up in the area right outside of the original Yankee Stadium (born 1938) and had NY Giant season tickets when they were originally $5 a game. Now we no longer have these tickets because of the new METLIFE Stadium, which doesn't look all that great at all from the outside---haven't ever been in the inside. Unlike some other teams like my Packers (GO PACK!!!) who did everything possible for their tickets to remain affordable for their fans, the Giants, not only did not do anything for their long-term season ticket holders, such as my dad, but they also instituted a seat-license depending on where the seats were located. Our seats, for instance, which were located in the 5th row---lower front---right near the end-zone and somewhere in the middle, went up to about $10,000 a ticket, a long with the total season cost. After my dad owning these tickets from the time he was 19 years old, I can not type here how much of an emotional and economic impact that had on not only him. My brother and I were at a loss of words of what those tickets and those seats meant to us throughout our childhood, even before we were sperm swimming to the egg. Any one of our friends that we took to those games, all fell in love with the seats. When I was a reporter for the local paper, the photographer, Nick Messina, and I used to wave at each other from them.
Oscar (Hebrew name sounds like bear in it), my one and only dad by blood, has always done everything he can for both my brother and I, but more importantly my late mom Beverly Michael. Recently, when I was in the hospital for abdominal issues, we had a very scary conversation about him saying, "Its only right if he goes first, not Neil or Me." Granted I was only in the hospital for severe rectal issues that I went on to have cleared up with a colonoscopy, but the words he said struck my heart only because, I really have no idea not so much who is there for me, I have always known who my true friends are, but who is really man enough to stand next to me and to embrace me now in the present with everything that I have been dealing with all on my own practically/pretty much? I have never been a fan of hospitals so to go one by myself, both in South Korea and here, is pretty brave. I have always been there for a lot of people during some really dark times, too, for instance, I was there the night Gary Ballerini was having an overdose on heroin in a bathroom. I was told not to call the cops and a police squad actually wondering my real motives when I was giving my statement for their investigation, which makes no sense at all, since I am a witness to not only that but my own unfortunate case from Seoul in 2011---I guess not too many people understand post-traumatic-stress-disorder, which is not something to even remotely make-fun of at all, I urge anyone who wants to truly understand what us victims go through to go to a---Take Back the Night, not the march, but sit in the room and hear the stories---the one this past March was pretty bold, brave, and courageous for anyone who attended and I can't even believe I stood-up and said anything, seriously and it wasn't for anyone's credit but my own to know and to feel that I am not at all alone with this and its something to make a person not exist or think we aren't the same when we are in a whole lot of ways or to just forget about a person entirely), telling my dad when I initially got home was the most difficult, if not heart-breaking story I ever had to tell him. He even tried to talk further with me about that, even with legitimate rape stories in the news, but I had to tell him to stop. I only wonder who really is man enough though.---I pray every night because I don't know what else there is to do and typing this out while sobbing doesn't usually solve anything---but only helps make things easier since that's normal and I am completely human. I only wish my heart was not the size of the ocean like how it actually is (Thank you John Donnally aka "johnny d"---wherever you are with child because you probably make one of the best fucking dads ever, right now---I tried looking for your number tonight to just say---yo, and let's sing together again! even as the muppets)!
At this time of year, since it is near the anniversary of my mom's passing, I tend to sometimes get mopey, but this year, I'm not so much at all because she's very close in my heart through everything that I do and I know she would love to know I am in-charge of open mic nights, giving lectures, handling with my current ptsd with what happened in 2011 with style and grace with unifying all the politicians in Washington to help with this American baby, oh yeah continuing to write---even songs, and i'm glad I got to introduce her to some great Ginsberg because she didn't finish college, and it had nothing to do with the riots of the 70's in Newark---my grandmother fell ill and she dropped out of school to help her.
When I first went to Korea in 2005 that's what helped me accept her passing with grief since some people never get over that or do that in other ways, traveling====healing in so many ways. I'm always reminded of the wise words she instilled me with and how her passing helped me give some good advice to a friend of mine, named Elizabeth, when she did not know what to do with her friend who was diagnosed with Lymphoma---I told her massage therapy---acupuncture and other Asian remedies since they have a nice calming effect towards Chemo---or at least they did for my mom. Originally named me after my Grandma Lily---my Hebrew name: Leah Mierah (a natural tendency to always think of the original Star Wars, the other movies sucked any geek will tell you that!) and my honorary Korean name from my best friend DoKyoung Kim (Jason) is Hanuel (meaning sky)----I always enjoy hearing the story of the day I was born from my relatives, all of the dads in the waiting room, when asked, "Who's baby is this?" They all raised their hands!---looking back at pictures of when I was growing-up, yep, yep, I am still quite the cute-special-smart-sometimes introverted one in a lot of ways----I have changed in a lot of ways for the better, too. Rarely do I even listen to Pearl Jam anymore, but my favorite song, "Elderly Woman Behind a Counter in a Small Town," the words just always speak volumes and define me, "I changed by not changing at all." ----except football team for my good reasons.
